That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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