I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
