dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There are leaves in my underwear?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
