I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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