Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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