I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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