Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
