id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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