Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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