I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
