I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
