i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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