I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
