...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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