my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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