my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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