I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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