probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
