Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish they made helmets for livers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
