i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
