you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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