i barfeds in our rink
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
