he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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