i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
