You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
