This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
