Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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