fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
