ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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