Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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