question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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