So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
