in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
