see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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