We're facebook friends in real life
I bet he comes in French.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
