i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
