You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
