Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
