he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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