i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
