dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
