I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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