Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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