dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
