There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
