haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
