cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
