K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
