Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
