turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
