dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
