I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was born a porn star she said
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
